People of Earth
The virus of political correctness has spread across the entire planet. Common sense and logic have been replaced by hysteria. We know you've been searching for refuge, a place you can go where political correctness has been banished and common sense is elevated to an art form. You have arrived. You have discovered the nirvana known as Planet Valentine. Phil Valentine has been doling out pearls of wisdom and common sense for many years, and you'll find much of it right here. Whether it's his commentaries or song parodies or in-depth interviews, this is an oasis of sanity in a sea of absurdity.
If John Galt were a real person, he would have already moved to Planet Valentine. Now that you are among us, know that you are safe from 'safe space' people, you're insulated from the 'microaggression mental midgets' (and yes it's perfectly fine to say 'midgets' here). This is a place where there's no confusion over which bathroom to use, and you're spared the guilt for having actually worked hard and made something of yourself.
Stay as long as you like. Feast upon the banquet of freedom and liberty and knowledge. You are among friends here on Planet Valentine, the best kept secret in the universe.